Sequel to my post on Marriage is not 50/50, here’s a brief summary of the five love languages…

This language uses words to affirm the other person. “I really appreciate your washing the car, it looks great” thanks for taking out the garbage ” I love the fact that you are optimistic,” “your smile is contagious.” All these are words of affirmation. Your words may focus on the other person’s personality or the way they look or something they have done for you or for others. If a person’s primary love language is words of affirmation, your word will be like rain falling on dry soil. Nothing will speak more deeply of your love than words of affirmation.

For these people, actions speak louder than words. If you speak words of affirmation to these persons, such as, “I admire you,” “I appreciate you,” “I love you…”, they will likely think and perhaps say “if you love me, why don’t you do something to help me around the house?” If act of service is their primary love language, then washing car, mowing the grass, helping around the house etc. is precisely what makes them feel loved. The key to loving this person is to find out what things they would like for you to do. Then do them most times.


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Quality time is giving the other person your undivided attention. It is not sitting in the same room watching television. Someone else has your attention. It is being in the same room with the TV off, the magazine on the table, looking at each other, talking and listening. It may also be taking a walk together so long as your purpose is to be with each other, not simply to get exercise. Couples who go to a restaurant and never talk to each other have not spoken the language of quality time. They have simply met their physical need for food. Quality time says I’m doing this because I want to be with you… For some people, nothing makes them feel more loved than quality time.

For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift. The gift speaks it all, “he is thinking about me.” “Look what he got for me.” The best gifts are those that you know will be appreciated. To give her a fishing rod when she does not enjoy fishing will probably not communicate your love very well… How do you find out what the other person would like to receive? You ask questions and make observations. You observe the comments they make when they receive gifts from other family members. Listen carefully and you will discover the kind of gifts they appreciate most. Also listen to the comments they make when they are looking through a shopping catalogue or watching QVC. Not all gifts need to be expensive. A rose, a candy bar, a card, a book, any of these can communicate love deeply to the person whose love language is receiving gifts.

We have long known the emotional power of physical touch. Research indicates that babies who are touched and cuddled fare better emotionally than babies who spend long periods of time without physical touch. Every culture has appropriate and inappropriate touches between members of the opposite of sex. Appropriate touch is loving! Inappropriate touch is demeaning! To the person whose primary love language is physical touch, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.

This will lead us to the next topic HOW TO FIND YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE… follow us next Wednesday for the conclusion of the five love languages. Stay blessed.


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Pheyi is a graduate of Accounting from Lagos state University; a fashionista; CEO, STYLESENSEAFRICA Fashion Academy; a motivational speaker and relationship/marriage blogger.
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