…with Pheyi


We have been taught that marriage is a 50-50 proposition, which is a doctrine from the pit of hell. If marriage is 50-50, each person is only half a person. Marriage is like an omelet made from two good, whole eggs not two half eggs. If you have a 50-50 marriage, you have two persons each half whole, then you have a problem! They spend the rest of their lives together trying to steal from each other what is needed for wholeness, uniqueness, personality, things that makes the other special.
In other words, in that kind of marriage, one or both partners are empty. Adam was totally whole, Eve was totally whole when God said Eve was “meet” or suitable for Adam he meant she could fit or adapt to him. She was his equal! Okay, that’s that on Single’s myth.


Today, let me share with you what transpired between Mrs Jane and I.
‘What do you do at marriage seminars?’ Mrs Jane asked.
‘I try to give people practical ideas on how to work on their marriage.’ I replied.
With another question in her eyes she asked,
‘Why do you have to work on a marriage? If you love each other… Isn’t that all that matters?’
Now, I took time to explain to her that there are two stages of romantic love, the first stage requires little effort. We are pushed along by euphoric feelings. We commonly call this stage “being in love”. When we are in love, we freely do things for each other without thought of cost or sacrifice. In this stage of romantic love, the couple does not have to work on the relationship. They may expend great energy in doing things for each other, but they would not consider it work. What I have discovered is that the second stage of romantic love is much more intentional than the first stage. And yes, it requires work in order to keep emotional love alive. This may lead us into the five love languages. Next week I would share with us a brief summary of these five love languages. Do have a wonderful day.


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Pheyi is a graduate of Accounting from Lagos state University; a fashionista; CEO, STYLESENSEAFRICA Fashion Academy; a motivational speaker and relationship/marriage blogger.

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