The meal stares at me and I stare back. It doesn’t just appeal to me even though it is yam and garden egg sauce, my favourite.
I see three missed calls on my phone, from three good friends. Perhaps they just wanted to check on me and know how I’m doing, I feel it’s a waste of time calling back. I just don’t want any further annoyance even though there is no quarrel between us.
I log on to my Facebook account. Like many other times, I see a bulk of trending topics and posts but all suddenly turn exasperating to me. How would I explain, Facebook has always being my amusement and relaxation park?
I try catching a sleep, may be my head may clear out, but my phone rings. This could be a call that would brighten my mood, alas, it is from 055224, MTN’s ‘illegal’ ad calls. This is the third time the number would call me today. I just feel like destroying my MTN sim with my unfortunate phone that harbours it.
My ulcer pain is back because my appetite is still far gone from me.
I turn on my T.V set, thank God it’s my favourite gospel preacher onset, only to hear him tell me how great a hero I’m. I wonder if he has any proof of what he is saying. I turn the TV off again.
My ‘unfortunate’ phone rings again, but I thought I switched it off the last time? This time it’s Lola calling. Lola and I broke up almost a year ago. It was over ‘irreconcilable’ differences and so on… the relationship got me to a shred; my decent life was totally taken away from me. But I have being a better person since she left. I had the feeling she has moved on with her life too not until two weeks ago. When she first called two weeks ago to tell me she was in town, I told her we couldn’t see, using a hectic work schedule to avoid making the same mistake I made a year ago. Now, I answer her phone call, she says she is still in town and would love to visit me this evening… I say no problem. I don’t know how. I’m vulnerable one more time!
A voice tells me to speak to a friend or even go to my mentor’s house and seek for advice, but I feel what NEW THING would these people tell me or give me. I am always the advice-seeking type.
Another voice asks me to speak to a doctor. But I’m a doctor myself, what NEW THING would a doctor tell me about depression? I would certainly be more terrified to have him tell me I’m depressed, and to know my sanity would depend on Amitriptyline or what ever the newer generations of antidepressants are called, this would break my heart, it would break my will. I can’t do it.
A third voice speaks to me. It tells me my God can tell and teach me SOMETHING NEW and exciting; it says my low mood can be lifted, it only takes about five minutes to talk to HIM. Oh yes! I agree with this one and makes me feel way better.
My name is Ayodeji Erubu, I go through these times as much as you do. My dear friend reading this piece, no matter what you go through, one thing I want for you is to always be happy and healthy. I care a lot about you. Your physical and mental health are my priorities.
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I hope to have you here next time. Thanks for reading.