…with Pheyi


A beautiful young lady dressed neatly and smartly walked into the counselling room and sat down. She suddenly blurted out ” I can’t take it anymore. I am tired of being single. I need a make now, I am growing older and life is passing me by, what wrong with me? Why does no man want me? I must be ugly. There must be something wrong with me.”
Those words were not strange to me—I have heard them so many times.
There is a myth or an erroneous concept of singleness. As a matter of fact, people do not have a “singleness problem” they have an entirely different problem called being single.
First, let us consider the concept of that ever abiding concern which seems to control and influence so many lives- Singleness


What is singleness?
Dictionary definitions usually have these words or synonyms for the word ‘singleness’, “to be separate” Unique and whole.
Would you like to stop being whole or a unique person? Would you like to loose your destiny? Of course not. So what is the problem with singleness?


We have confused singleness to being alone!
“Will there ever be a time and has there ever been a time, when you will cease to be separate, unique and whole?” If your answer is “no”, then the next question is, “Does getting married do away with this definition of being single?” When you marry, do you stop being a single individual who is unique or whole?
If a state of singleness means to be unique and whole then to be totally single should be every Christian’s number 1 goal. Until you are a separate, single unique and whole individual you actually are not ready to marry! Marriage counsellors, whether Christian or secular, will tell you that huge chunk of marital problems arises because a husband or wife (or both) have not seen themselves as unique, worthy individual, thus there is no place of first understanding oneself as whole and then understanding one’s partner.


Do you agree that God wants you to be single?
If you are able to catch hold of this revelation of the difference between being single and being alone, you will never again despise the state of being unmarried, at least before your rightful marriage time. Also, you will not rush into marriage based on wrong reasons or encourage others to marry based on wrong reasons.
Next week, I hope to continue on this and write more on why marriage is not 50/50 thing. Thanks for reading today’s post.


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Pheyi is a graduate of Accounting from Lagos state University; a fashionista; CEO, STYLESENSEAFRICA Fashion Academy; a motivational speaker and relationship/marriage blogger.

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